Sunday, December 09, 2012

Fuzz, fizz n finizz!


Only very recently I put down a book I read with great interest called The Wave Rider, by Ajit Balakrishnan, who in the late 90s started when India had not really woken up to the idea of Internet. Ajit Balakrishnan drew a lot of examples from the US and Europe to show how the Age of the Information dawned riding past many others starting Iron Age, age of industrialization etc. The book did not however cover one of the fallouts of the Age of Internet.

Dear reader, a story I came across is presented here.

: What’s the good word in 140 characters?

“He’s coming! He’s not coming! He’s coming! He’s not coming!”
“What are you picking all those flower petals one by one for, as if you were Ophelia in Shakespear’s Hamlet?” Bharat asked.

“He’s coming! He’s not coming! He’s coming! He’s not coming!” Lakshmi continued

“Oh c’mon, who is coming?”

The dew fresh relationship between Bharat and Lakshmi had only just begun, after both found each other on Facebook. They had been on Orkut too.

Lakshmi worked at an Agency that provided content for Company websites and spent a sizable amount of time on Facebook and Twitter. After all, 140 characters did not need too much creativity to write. Or maybe it really did! But, it was easier to keep the engagement on, with a line, all the time. It bugged Bharat a lot. He had to know everything that was going on in Lakshmi’s life.

“Is he your boyfriend from Orkut?”Bharat asked rather irritated, to which she gave him a chilling cold look.

Two people who have recently fallen in love having Orkuted and Facebooked for a long time and were meeting for the first time, by a lake, would have been differently engaged with each other five years ago, but today, both met physically but continued their engagement with each other on FB. SmartPhones in hand, they stood next to each other at the lake occasionally looking up to meet each other’s eyes.

The virtual world had changed everything! People preferred to communicate via Facebook, Twitter, Orkut and other Social Networks, more than they liked to meet in person and socialize. In fact, both Bharat and Lakshmi had planned this meeting over days, trying to make it possible to meet in person, instead of virtually.

“But we are always talking to each other, on phone or on FB”, Bharat objected, but Lakshmi was keen to meet him personally. Who knows, maybe there was no Bharat at all? Maybe the virtual picture on his FB profile was not what he really looked like! There were so many questions on her mind.

But now that they met, the excitement lasted only a few moments, because, after the initial meeting, both went back to their SmartPhones and continued with their conversation by posting on their FB and Twitter accounts!

It was like the fizz in a Coke bottle. Bubbling over and fizzling out all at the same time.

“He’s coming! He’s not coming! He’s coming! He’s not coming!” Lakshmi doled out in a deadpan voice, her eyes glued to her SmartPhone.

“Ah now I know! You are talking about Salman Rushdie!”

“Nah! I don’t read at all, except messages. Do you?”

“I read some lines from his book on FB – hang on I will Share it with you by tagging you – here it is!”

Lakshmi read the first few lines and lost interest.

“It’s too long,” She whined. “140 characters are all I can read, like in Twitter.”

“Then I will write our love story on Twitter in 140 characters!”
“LoL” Lakshmi re-tweeted

“Lakshmi met Bharat @ Sujan Lake and Tweeted and FB each other. It was awesome - all Fuzz, Fizz and Finizz - Muuaah”. Bharat tweeted

A host of retweets began: From Dipti, Dilip, Sandhya, Sonu, Bunny and hoards of others, spiraling away, all over the net, when suddenly Lakshmi received a retweet from one Ms Sexy Samantha which read like this: Lakshmi met Bharat @ Sujan Lake? I will show you nicely Bharat when you come home tonight – your wife!”

Quickly Lakshmi retweeted by tagging Bharat and adding: @bharat She’s coming! She’s coming! Your wife is coming to get you!

“@lakshmi nonsense!” Tweeted Bharat, “I am single, ready to mingle! Me Samson, you Delilah”

“@bharat Awesome Dude!” Lakshmi tweeted back, “Look behind you, before you leap forward LOL”.

But, by then all hell had broken loose. Bharat turned sharply to the left as a burly woman in her mid-twenties came charging towards him, a Police baton in her hand.

“Amma!” Bharat wailed, but it was too late. In quick succession, Lakshmi lost no time to take to her heels as her mobile clicked several picture of a Bharat’s wife roughing him up. She uploaded the picture on her FB account and made a public posting with a catch line: Man gets beaten by wife who catches him on Tweeter, tweeting sweet nothings to his FB beloved.

Needless to say, that picture with message spiraled and was Shared 356 times! Aaaaw! And Oh man! ROLF, LOLzzzz, filled posts after posts on FB, the message, went viral over and over again!

It ended the virtual love between Lakshmi and Bharat, only till they made new profiles on FB, Twitter and Orkut, calling themselves, Neversaydie and Loveis4ever.

Shortly they received a Friend’s request from Kababmeinhaddi.

There are absolutely no prizes for guessing who Kabab-mein-haddi is!

The end

There you go, dear reader, sons and daughters of the Information Age, I believe the Internet Age may just go out like a bubble as easily as it came, in a fuzz, fizz n finizz, unless Ajit Balakrishnan has something else to say. Or like the lovebirds, the AoI evolves into another. If @ajitbalakrish is right, it will never say die!


: Today happens to be Ada Lovelace's 197th birthday Picture taken from Google doodles the evolution of computers

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